Gender Reveal Ideas
April is recognized for many things, one of those is c-section awareness.
This will be a long post because I am more than passionate about this, so hopefully some will read it and can relate.
This is something that hits very close to home for me as I had to have “an emergency c-section” after 24 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing.
Some moms choose from the start to have a cesarean and that is totally okay! More power to you girl!!
Some moms have weeks to prepare for this, as their baby is breeched and most doctors won’t deliver breeched babies vaginally because of the risk factor. Is it possible to deliver a breeched baby vaginally? Yes! It has been done more times than we can count. Sadly, this practice just is not very popular, especially in America. It takes doing the right research, seeking the best medical care, and having a doctor trained in this practice.
Of course, some moms are upset because that’s not how they envisioned their birth, I mean who dreams of a major abdominal surgery right? Regardless, some moms accept this as their birth route and move on and some mothers don’t.
A very close friend of mine was in this position and had to have a c-section and months later is still upset over this outcome just like myself. She dreamed of that natural, vaginal birth and it was taken away from her. I completely understand the feeling.
There are moms who only have hours or minutes to prepare last minute for this surgery.
I, myself, had minutes to mentally prepare for this. Those few minutes I had to prepare were some of the most terrifying minutes of my life.
Will my baby make it?
Will I make it?
Am I going to feel anything?
What if they cut the wrong thing and kill both me and my baby?
My anxiety and irrational thinking were through the roof.
From the beginning, and I mean since my first prenatal appointment, I wanted so badly to be taken seriously with how I wanted my birth experience. I felt no one believed in me and the support just wasn’t there. You tell someone you plan to go natural and they roll their eyes like “ha, yeah right good luck with that”. That stigma of making natural childbirth sound impossible or like the most excruciating experience in our country really needs to change. But that's another story for another time.
Hell even my doctor said “You can try but most moms do it with their second child so don’t try to be a hero, what do you have to prove?”
Mistake #1, not researching and finding a pro-natural delivery doctor. In fact, the hospital I chose had one of the highest cesarean rates in the state. Mistake #2.
I wanted so badly to have an unmedicated delivery but it was doomed from the start. I went in Monday morning to be induced (mistake #3, unnecessary induction). I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and baby, I did not need to be induced. After over 24 hours of labor and 2 hours of attempting pushing, my doctor said “she’s in distress, Sydnie we have to do a section. I know it’s know what you want but it’s what’s best.”
I remember uncontrollably crying, feeling hopeless, calling my mom and saying how unfair this was. I also remember looking at the heart rate monitor and it being as normal as it was the past 26 hours... something was fishy to me.
But I was at my most vulnerable and did not stand up for myself like I should have, mistake #4.
I remember an anesthesiologist being annoyed with me because I wouldn’t stop panicking and crying. When you have this experience in your head of something you’ve dreamed of for a long time and it gets snatched away from you in just minutes, it’s heartbreaking. It’s the ultimate defeat. You no longer have any control.
You get wheeled to the operating room by yourself. You lay on the table, shivering from being cold and scared. Your partner has to stay behind anxiously waiting as they administer the medicine to numb you and get you prepped. (We were told we couldn’t bring our phones so i don’t even have pictures of my daughter’s birth).
You get cut open, several layers to get to the baby. A nurse goes full force pressing both elbows down on your stomach to push the baby out. You feel some weird pressure and finally your baby is here. Safe and healthy thanks to this medical procedure.
But you can’t hold her. I don’t even remember seeing her for those 5 seconds they showed her to me because I was so exhausted and loopy.
Nurses get to hold her first and clean her off and check her vitals and get her wrapped up and hand her off to dad, while you lay there with your stomach empty and open getting all closed up, watching from a distance as your baby cries and you can’t do anything.
Finally, dad brings baby next to your face because your arms are tied down or you can’t move them to hold your baby. I finally got to hold her. I felt too weak and like I would drop her so I had to pass her to my husband again. I was beyond exhausted, I was in so much pain. The recovery is HARD. You cannot laugh or sneeze without feeling like your incision will tear open. It took months of physical recovery and still to this day, a few months shy of two years ago, I am not mentally recovered from this.
I’m telling my story because I want y’all to know it’s okay to be upset over your birth experience. It’s okay to feel sadness because it feels like the dream you had just died. I’m tired of moms being silenced by words like “you have a healthy baby that’s all the matters” or “you’re both alive that’s all that matters” making some of us feel ashamed for feeling the way we do about our birth experience. I’m sick of people making me feel like I just need to get over it because what’s important is I have my healthy, beautiful baby girl.
Of course I’m over the moon and so beyond happy, hello I have the most beautiful girl in the world!! She makes my days so much brighter, my life has so much more purpose with her.
But my dream of a natural delivery was taken from me and it hurts.
I’m a birth photographer. I have witnessed both natural and belly births. It’s healing to me to at least be able to provide moms with photos of how strong they are. But I still long to experience a natural birth myself. Why? What do i have to prove? I can’t explain it, it’s just something I want to prove to myself, I want to prove my body won’t fail me. Only moms who have been where I’m at will really understand.
I am in no way trying to bash this procedure. Like i said, some moms elect to have it done and are happy with it and would it again and again. I’m happy for them and happy they got the experience they wanted. It can be life saving and of course that’s important and necessary.
Some moms need the procedure and don’t make it out, some babies don’t make it either and that’s absolutely heartbreaking. My heart is with those families and you are the strongest of people.
But there are other moms like myself who envisioned this beautiful, natural birth. The birth where you push and push and finally you did it, the baby is here! The birth where they place baby on your chest and you’re crying the happiest tears because you did it. The birth where dad is leaning over you kissing your head with pride as the mother of his child just delivered the greatest gift.
Here’s something I want all c-section moms to know ..
1.) You are so incredibly strong. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise
2.) You are beautiful. That scar tells your story of strength.
3.) You are an amazing mother. You did not take the “easy way out” trust me. I know.
I’d love to hear your belly birth stories and see pictures in the comments below.
Since i have no pictures from my daughter’s birth I’ll share this one.
This is Blakely, the first c-section baby and first birth story I ever photographed.